No Pity Party

I was recently reading a story about a young cancer survivor. She explained that upon a cancer diagnosis, she reverted to being a child, collapsed, and had her parents take care of her.

I think few people are fortunate enough to have that as an option. I know I certainly didn't!

I am the head of a household and chief bread winner. Three kids and a wife. Thirteen years ago my parents were faced with difficult retirement financial challenges, so, I built a ranch house onto the side of my house and they live there, also dependent on me and my income. 

Everyone looks to me for strength. The kids, obviously, but also my parents who are in failing health and under constant fear they can't take care of themselves.

I shed no tears for this cancer diagnosis. My journey started two years ago with the detection of goiter Even two years ago there were no tears - I just wanted to get this done and get it behind me.

The only time I shed tears for cancer was when my wife thought she might have breast cancer. There was a lot of private tears and begging to God about that. Thankfully, the tests came back and she was fine.

Upon early thoughts that I might have cancer I decided to take a position of strength. I think it is a Father issue, but not just an issue for Fathers, to show no weakness nor vulnerability. I knew my children would look upon this as an example of how to deal with life's challenges. They were not going to see me lying in bed all day balling my eyes out. To be truthful and honest, that meant I wasn't going to do it in private either.

I developed a story line that ended up being mostly true: "I would be fine. Just need to get the Thyroid out and everything will be normal again. And the thyroid surgery is a piece of cake, nothing to worry about." This is what I told my parents, my kids, and, most importantly, myself.

I then continued to do everything I normally did right up until the surgery. After the surgery, during my hospital stay, I made it clear to my wife that I didn't want the kids to visit nor my parents. I told her that if the kids needed to visit for some kind of emotional closure or something? Fine. Otherwise they could wait until I got home.

I knew that after the surgery I would be seen as weak and vulnerable. Imagine, a big tough guy like me wearing a gown and being helped during a walk by a tiny little nurse. Of course it was necessary, but not the image I wanted anyone to remember or have.

After a few days in the hospital, I returned home. I need to assure everyone that everything was gong to be OK, they had nothing to worry about, and the king of the castle was still there for everything they needed. We gathered into the living room and I answered all the questions they had. When the questions were done? We all got back to work.

Even though I needed rest, and I took rest, I kept myself highly visible and active. There were times I might have slept all day, but I knew that wouldn't do me or them any good. They needed to see the situation as being stable and normal.

I found that the impression of strength isn't only important before the family, it is also important at work because I am a manager. My employees have entrusted that I will battle the big fights for therm, will shield them from damage, and will protect them with good direction. 7 days after surgery I returned to work and hit the ground running with incredible energy. I was exhausted by the end of the day (at least, my voice was), but I showed my employees that they had nothing to worry about. I was back.

There were no pity party, no wallowing, no fear spreading, no unnecessary concerning others. No reverting, no crying fits, no self doubt. Only a portrayal of strength. It is my job to assure those who rely on me that they will be OK, and that I can provide them stability. I am grateful that I have been and continue to be able to do this throughout my Thyroid Cancer.